Do I need a course on friendship?
Yesterday, in the carpark for school pickup I heard a tap on the window. At first, I thought I heard wrong. Then I thought it was someone accidentally hitting my car.
Turns out it was a friend (the Mum of my daughter's best friend) handing me a glass container filled with my favourite meal that she had made. Out of nowhere, and completely unexpected.
Isn't that the best surprise?
My first thought was, I felt so loved and cared for. My second thought was, what a beautiful friend! Then my third thought was, am I a good friend?
To be completely honest, I would say I'm 80% a good friend. I'm loyal, and I'm there where it counts. But I'm notorious for not reaching out.
If they're out of sight, they're basically out of mind. I also desire a huge sense of reciprocity in my friendships (is this because I'm a Libra?). But if I'm the one reaching out all the time into an echo chamber, it's likely the friendship won't last.
In the book I've been reading, I read that the Epicurean school studied friendship as a subject itself.
The Epicurean school (in the crudest summarisation) was an ancient Greek philosophy founded in Epicurus (surprise!) based in a communal home and garden outside Athens (known as "The Garden", again surprise!)
Their core beliefs were pleasure as the goal, simple living, material science (freeing them from superstitious beliefs of the day) and inclusivity.
Gosh, sometimes I wonder if I could do well with a course on friendship. It's something we tend to learn by experience, the act of being in the playground through kindergarten. But what if some of us needs this to be explicitly taught? Or reminded. I certainly feel like I'm a bit green in some areas of friendship.
It also got me thinking ... if I were to make up the curriculum for such a course what would I include in it?
Here's what I think so far:
- How to approach someone to become their friend, even when it feels scary.
- Share a meal together.
- How to have a conversation (without just talking about the weather, but without diving straight into my innermost thoughts and fears and scaring everyone)
- Active listening. What that means and what it looks like.
- Things not to do when you're meeting up (be distracted)
- The principle of reciprocity - a bit of give and take on both sides.
- The role of tough love (does it have a place?)
- Experiences you share
- How to apologise and repair.
Are you a good friend? And what would you put on the curriculum?